Trust Your Gut, Break the Stigma
Artwork by Alannah Dair (@alannahdair)
I sat down with Brisbane born artist Alannah Dair, who generously shared her journey with endometriosis. She shared how her excruciating pain has shaped her life, how it has impacted her relationships with herself and others and how she used art to express herself and create awareness around period pain.
If your period pain is debilitating and makes you take time off work/study/your normal everyday activities, that is not normal. You could potentially suffer from endometriosis, if this sounds like you, book an appointment with your doctor.
Tayla Badings: Alannah, tell me a bit about your journey with your period.
Alannah Dair: I first got my period when I was 12 years old. For a while I had no pain or cramps and thought I had got lucky. However, as time went on my periods became increasingly painful to the point where I was missing days off school and taking pain relief daily.
After trying several GPs, specialists and gynaecologists I eventually had laparoscopic surgery when I was 16 which confirmed I had endometriosis. Over the years I have tried nine different contraceptive pills, the Nuva ring and the Mirena IUD to combat my pain. Unfortunately, most oral hormone medications don’t keep my period at bay and increasing the strength of the pill brings more severe side effects. The symptoms I experienced from contraceptive pills ranged from nausea, bloating, spotting and fatigue to insomnia, panic attacks and having depressive tendencies. With every cycle my pain increased and became more debilitating.
I am currently on the Mirena IUD which has reduced the severity of my pain significantly. When I first had it inserted I bled for six months straight (I had to document my symptoms in a calendar every day) and throughout the last four years I have bled sporadically with no pattern. Abdominal pain, fatigue and cramps always follow.
TB: That sounds incredibly difficult. How has the pain affected how you live your everyday life?
AD: I have been dismissed by countless doctors, many of whom have given me medication that just masked my symptoms but didn’t address the root causes of my pain. Many of them gave me the contraceptive pill and told me it was “an art not a science” in how it would react with my body. Medical specialists have also suggested I take paracetamol, fall pregnant early and consider having a hysterectomy to alleviate my pain, all of which are absurdly out of touch with the nature of endometriosis. Even recently I had a specialist recommend a monthly abdominal injection to put me into early menopause, accompanied by further medication to combat the menopausal side effects. I ended up trusting my gut and seeking help from a naturopath, who has since helped me alleviate a lot of my discomfort by considering and treating my body from a holistic perspective.
The state of limbo one experiences without a diagnosis is unbearably frustrating. I was fortunate enough to receive my diagnosis after four years of seeking medical treatment (as opposed to the average wait time of seven years). However as much as a diagnosis brought some relief - my pain was real and conceivable to others - feelings of resignation quickly set in upon the realisation that there is no cure, and no known cause for the condition.
In my late teens and into my early twenties I have had difficulties maintaining a job, being intimate with others and coming to terms with the physical and emotional limitations of my body. At the present time even my goals of producing academic work and pushing myself to my limits to make my art takes a toll on my body.
My body fluctuates from healthy to ill. This means some days I feel great, I can get my errands done and be relatively pain free; other days I’ll find I’ve exhausted my energy before midday, not aware that I was pushing myself; panic attacks, fatigue and insomnia ensue. It often feels like the life has been drained out of me; like I’ve gone for a swim in the ocean for hours and come back with the energy zapped out of me.
TB: How do you cope with all this?
AD: I use Ovira (similar to a portable Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation – TENS – machine) when my cramps become severe. I have changed my diet to include less inflammatory foods such as cutting out meat, dairy and reducing my gluten intake which has helped me get on top of my bloating and gut discomfort dramatically. When nothing seems to ease my period pain I alternate between paracetamol and ibuprofen and just lie on the floor with my legs upright against the wall or in the foetal position on the ground to ride out the pain.
I have also found communicating my experience of chronic illness through art has allowed me to better understand and process the problematic relationship I have with my body. The process of creating my work not only serves the purpose of being cathartic; as I transfer my intangible feelings and emotions into three dimensional objects, but also acts as a form of documentation; creating awareness and discussion about invisible illness and the frameworks that govern our bodies.
TB: How do you think/feel about your period now?
After grieving the loss of my former self (before the pain took over my life), over the years I have come to relearn who I am with the condition and I have attempted to restructure my life to reflect a more manageable lifestyle.
I don’t shy away from discussing endometriosis/period pain with others, in fact I invite the conversation. I am not embarrassed or afraid of what people think of me when I talk about my periods, I take the opportunity to educate others around me. I feel a sense of responsibility to share my experience with endometriosis/period pain with others in the hope it can raise awareness and create much needed discussion.
Although experiences of chronic illness vary significantly for each individual, by adding my own voice to the conversation I aim to expand upon our collective knowledge of what chronic illness can be; it is not one fixed ‘thing’ and the concept of being chronically ill within Western society needs to be rethought, reconfigured, challenged, expanded.
Having said all this, having debilitating period pain is exhausting. It takes a toll on you physically, mentally and emotionally. It is relentless, it can be soul crushing, and the pain makes you want to give up on feeling anything ever again.
I don’t know if I will ever feel great about actually having my period, but I do have hope that one day I could achieve a state where I am relatively pain free, and that to me is exciting.
TB: What advice would you give someone else going through what you’ve been through?
AD: I would say, trust your gut. Know your periods shouldn’t be debilitating. Seek medical help and go prepared with notes so you’re not talked out of what you’ve experienced or how you feel. Get a second/third opinion if you’re unsure of the advice/recommendations you’ve been given.
Talk to your friends and family; make sure those you care about know what you’re going through so they can not only help you but also understand your situation. Often when talking to people about endometriosis someone knows someone who has it.
By discussing endometriosis and period pain with those around us we can help break down the stigma around periods and make it a normal topic of conversation that educates and creates change!
Follow Alannah at @alannahdair
The Cova Project is part of the Period Pain Cam-Pain in partnership with Myna Mahilas USA and Chalice Foundation throughout March 2021 to learn the ins and outs of period pain and what you can do to manage it while feeling supported. We want to open conversation around period pain, normalize dialogue about menstrual disorders and provide actionable solutions for those battling these issues.
-Tayla Badings